MAGIC KINGDOM The first, and still the best. This place is fun, fun, fun – fun enough that we were and are willing to spend more than one day in a row here, which we probably wouldn’t say for many tourist attractions. Most people just refer to this park as "Disney World," even though that name actually includes all four, but we can see why they do. Everything that Disney World (and Walt Disney himself) is about can be found here. It appeals to everything in us that’s happy, nostalgic, dorky, American, romantic, idealistic, and all the other stuff that the normal world (that is, everything not Disney World) tends to kill on a daily basis. Indeed the Magic Kingdom is still "the happiest place on earth." Main Street, U.S.A. A nice "curtain opening" for the rest of the park. It doesn’t have anything much to do, per se, but it sets the mood nicely with the turn of the century feel (the other turn of the century) with its quaint charm of candy and fudge shoppes and emporiums and the like so that you get acclimated to the world you’re about to enter. Cinderella’s Castle in the distance is a wonderful visual, especially at night when it and main street are lit up. Strolling the stores on the way out of the park in a nice ending to a day at the Magic Kingdom – especially to do some shopping – because looking at all the stuff kind of reminds you of what you’ve seen and helps you decide what you want to remember. Plus, it seems to smell good around here. Walt Disney World
Railroad It doesn’t really show off the Magic Kingdom that well, since it circles the edges of it, but it’s still a nice relaxing trip offering a handful of sights you won’t see anywhere else—not too many, but there’s fun little "deer" hiding in the bushes and fake fires and stuff every once in a while (there could be more). A practical purpose, of course, is to use the train to go from one part of the park to another. Though it’s probably not any faster than walking, it’s a place to get off your feet for an extended period of time. Carrie: B- Adventureland Rusty says it’s actually kind of hard to separate Adventureland, Frontierland, and Liberty Square in his head since they all seemed grouped under the "what kids liked in the 1950s" category. This may be Carrie’s least favorite of the lands in Magic Kingdom—maybe just "good" instead of "greatness" overall. Perhaps more of a boy section of the park. It’s less bright than the other lands, though it has its "gritty" pioneer charm with pop guns and Mason jars and that sort of thing. Swiss Family Treehouse This was always a highlight for Carrie as a kid since she loved the movie. But it might not be as exciting for kids today who don’t rent the videos in the faded-out boxes at the Blockbuster. For anyone – kids and adults – it’s enjoyable for what it is, and nice in that it’s a walk through attraction and not a ride with a long line. Carrie: B Shrunken Ned’s
Junior Jungle Boats Go play with these at your local remote control boat place. Don’t spend your Disney time with this (or money, since the use of them aren’t covered in the ticket). We obviously didn’t take advantage of these. The Magic Carpets of
Aladdin We didn’t ride these, but you can tell by looking at them that they’re just another version of the Dumbo ride – for modern kids who know Aladdin better – without that Dumbo charm. Carrie: C+ The Enchanted Tiki Room
Under New Management We only saw the original Tiki Room – not this new version with Iago and Zazu – but we thought the first one was over-long and kind of boring, though we’re both pretty big fans of the song "The Tiki, Tiki, Tiki Room" (if you haven’t heard the song, you should see the show, assuming it’s still featured in the show, or better yet go buy a Disney collection that has the song on it—you’ll be singing it every day). The new version of the Tiki Room probably just adds some 90s Disney "humor," which we’re not especially fond of. Carrie: C Jungle Cruise We like the Jungle Cruise. It’s fun in that it’s a comedy routine mixed with a boat ride—a comedy routine of dumb jokes. When Rusty was a kid, the jokes were genuinely funny to him, and now they’re funny because Disney seems to hire smart-asses for the ride who have a certain awareness of what they’re doing, so that the joke becomes a joke about jokes. The boat driver we had seemed like a Sarah Silverman in the making. The makers of this ride understand the "don’t soak the tourists" rule (there’s a misty waterfall that works by implying you’ll get wet, rather than by actually getting you wet). The animatronics are cute, but not as fun as they used to be, especially now that they don’t shoot the hippo. Carrie: B Pirates of the
Caribbean Rusty considers this a classic. There’s that politically correct "controversy" about the removal of pirates chasing women (now it's women chasing pirates—huh?) that you wouldn’t really notice if someone hadn’t pointed it out to you, but other than that this is one of the better animatronic-based rides, though Carrie thinks it’s maybe a little too noisy or busy for comfort. The pirate theme is one of chaos, but there is a lot going on to pay attention to—which is what Rusty likes about it, that there are plenty of these little "stories" to follow at every boat turn, all kinds of details that make the ride fun for more than one trip. The sets are great, especially the effect of the ceiling being an infinite sky, and of course there’s that infamous song. Carrie: B- Frontierland This land has the most thrill rides crammed into one place. Lots of action-packed fun here. Splash Mountain In our heads, this is still a "new" ride, and one of the best. The view of the drop/splash is fun even for people who don’t go on the ride. For those who do, it’s fun in a "don’t-know-when-the-big-splash-will-come" way. But this is more than just a log flume. In the best Disney fashion, they’ve taken this old idea and made it into something different and great. Most of the ride is a fun little relaxing jaunt where your log coasts along and you follow one of the better "narratives" of any of the rides, with Brer Rabbit getting himself into bad situations with Brer Fox and Brer Bear as you seem to be doing the same—the worst situation of course is when you are dropped five stories into the splash below. People sitting in the front row will get the wettest, but not miserably wet. Disney will have to get over its PC phase before the movie Song of the South will see the light of day, but for now at least we have this ride that is definitely worth going on more than once. Carrie: A Big Thunder Mountain
Railroad One to go on more than once. Our initial impression was that it was too herky-jerky to be truly fun, but that problem was gone the second time around. Maybe it was better at night? The ride is fast and crazy enough to be thrilling, but mild enough that you can raise your arms and have fun without gripping the bar in fear. And then there are the usual Disney charms sprinkled throughout (great scenery) so it’s more than just a roller coaster. Fun stuff. Carrie: B+ Tom Sawyer Island We weren’t able to see this one, though Carrie went on it as a kid but can’t remember it. Apparently it takes a while to get on the raft, so maybe they could have some long bridge to the island in addition (for those who’ve done the raft a few times). The island itself sounds like a playground-type area similar to the Swiss Family Treehouse. Country Bear Jamboree Carrie can’t stand the country bears, jolly fat bears who like the country. It might as well be a live show. So Rusty, who never saw them before, didn’t get to see them this time either. Carrie: D Frontierland
Shootin’ Arcade Like Shrunken Ned’s Junior Jungle Boats, this sounds like something that isn’t the best way to spend your time while you’re at Disney World, doing something you can do anywhere else. We avoided. Liberty Square The land that wasn’t in the original Disneyland lineup, this is a tiny little area that has a nice atmosphere with the Old America feel. We’re not sure how the Haunted Mansion or Goofy’s Country Dancin’ Jamboree necessarily fits the theme, but – again – they should probably just combine this half of the Magic Kingdom into 50s Land and save us the trouble of thinking about it. Goofy’s Country
Dancin’ Jamboree This is one of those things that Rusty would do if he had time to kill at Disney World or made it a point to see everything (something he’ll do on a longer trip). Carrie, you know, will always skip all live shows. The Hall of Presidents We wish you didn’t have to sit through the initial film, which for some reason focuses on the Civil War and the freedom of slaves instead of the rest of American history (definitely a film to be updated to cover a broader scope), but the show featuring the actual presidents is great. Carrie likes it. Rusty loves it, probably too much. It’s definitely the most surreal attraction in Disney World. There’s just something eerie about every president from 1789 to present standing on stage together. For Rusty, there’s an odd overwhelming sense of history and perhaps even reverence, though he realizes they’re just robots. Sometimes you have to look away when Millard Fillmore is staring a hole through you. Carrie agrees that they truly seem real, and that the details are awesome, the presidents always shuffling their feet and blinking and muttering to each other while Lincoln is making a speech. It’s worth coming to Disney World every time there’s a new president in order to see the new speech (which they record specifically for Disney, naturally). Despite its age (and in spite of the film), this attraction seems fresh. God bless America. Carrie: B+ Liberty Square
Riverboat This is sort of the water-based equivalent of the railroad train. There’s nothing particularly exciting about it (in fact, it’s probably better just to view the boat from a distance, since it’s a cool sight), but it’s an interesting way to relax, and you might notice a few things you missed when walking around the park. Best to go when it’s cool outside since there’s no shade on the deck. Carrie: C+ The Haunted Mansion A great ride with ghost effects that are still really impressive. The best parts are the ballroom scene and when your cart faces a mirror with holograms to make it look as if a ghost is sitting between you and your ride-mate. A kind of joke-scare, which is fun. All the cast members in this ride help too, as they’re usually spooky in that funny way. One of the best-conceived rides in the Magic Kingdom. Carrie: A- Mickey’s Toontown Fair Unfortunately, this wasn’t open when we went, so we didn’t get to see it, but it sounds like a really cool place for very small children. Tomorrowland Tomorrowland might be the best all-around place in the Magic Kingdom ("definitely" says Carrie). It’s certainly more defined than Adventureland, Frontierland, and Liberty Square, and it has more adult appeal than Fantasyland. There was no way to really keep up with the future in what would have been an ever-changing land (had Walt had his ambitious way), so it was a good idea in the mid-90s when they simply changed a lot of this place and called it "the future that never was." That’s basically what we’re looking for anyway: all the best stuff from the 1950s conception of the future—green spacemen, colorful and glowing planets, robots, and rocket ships. Who cares about the actual future anyway? Tomorrowland Indy
Speedway Carrie has never been big on driving rides (childhood bumper car trauma), and she doesn’t like this ride because it seems to be the place that brings out the eleven-year-old boys who want to be assholes and ram their cars into one another even though it’s not bumper cars. She also feels it smells badly authentic, like muffler fumes, rubber, etc. Rusty, though, feels that this is a great idea for kids who want to drive a car, with their moms or dads in the passenger’s seat. When Rusty was ten (and a bumper car fan), he remembers that the Speedway actually did give you the sensation of driving, even though it was guided by a track and only went seven miles an hour. Of course he also feels this is essentially a go-cart track, so he’s not really crazy about it as a Disney ride. We’re not sure why this attraction is considered "futuristic," but here it is. Carrie: C Tomorrowland Arcade Please, kids, we’ll take you to Chuck E. Cheese when we get back home. Space Mountain The idea for this is cool and actually works: a regular roller coaster where all you really see is stars swirling everywhere, giving you a cool sense of being in a fake version of space with glowing green and purple all around. This is certainly the most thrilling ride in the Magic Kingdom, the roller coaster itself being fast and exciting. Now someone explain to us what a "space mountain" is. Carrie: A- Astro Orbiter They’ve basically taken the Dumbo ride, turned it into rocket ships, and stuck it high up in the air so it’s more of a thrill ride for older kids or teenagers. It’s probably the highest place you can go (unless you’re Tinkerbell) in the whole park, and it gives a pretty good view of Tomorrowland and the castle. Of course, since Rusty was scared on the Dumbo ride, he was really scared on this one. The ride is fun, especially at night, but ultimately maybe we don’t need so many of these rides. Carrie: B Tomorrowland Transit
Authority What can we say? This is our favorite ride in all of Disney World. Formerly known as the WEDWay People Mover, this is a really relaxing tour of Tomorrowland where you get to see inside many of the rides (such as Space Mountain) as well as a view of the outside of Tomorrowland (and some pretty good views of the castle too). It’s also very dark and cool in the "tunnels," a highlight of the ride. The entire thing is a place where you can sit and talk while the eye candy rolls past. Unlike many of the rides in the parks, this one isn’t at all jerky since it uses a series of magnets that push and pull at speeds up to ten miles an hour. This ride will "heal" you, no lie. Relaxing, relaxing, relaxing. There’s something magic and addicting to it. Plus, there are fun little interjections over the audio system like, "Keep all forward-facing tentacles in the car." There are also no lines whatsoever at any time of the day since the track is a mile long and the cars are constantly moving. In fact, they let you stay on without re-loading if you want to ride it two or more times in a row (three times is a nice number—thirty minutes of WEDWay bliss). The only thing we would wish for the TTA is that they could make a track that goes all around the Magic Kingdom to show you everything. The Tomorrowland Transit Authority may not be a thrill ride or have animatronics or anything that you’d expect from a favorite, but there’s no hyperbole here when we say how much we adore it. Carrie: A+ Walt Disney’s
Carousel of Progress The show seems a little disjointed now as the fourth "panel" of the carousel gets further and further away from the first three (1900, 1920, 1940), so maybe they should have just stuck with the 1964 World’s Fair version, but the show itself is still interesting in that corn-pone Disney sort of way. We like the way the family stays the same through time; their technology just gets better. The daughter still has the same preoccupations, the dog is always sort of tired and loyal. The idea of a theater that turns to move to different stages is still cool. And of course the song "It’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow" will get stuck in your head all day. Carrie: B- Buzz Lightyear’s
Space Ranger Spin We like that it’s an interactive ride with a goal – shoot the alien targets – though Carrie feels it would be better if the laser guns you get were more mobile since it was hard to maneuver them as they were stuck to the "dashboard" of the car. This ride is probably really fun for kids who want to have a competition and the control of spinning the vehicle around. Racking up points is fun so you can feel like you accomplished something beyond sitting and looking, though the ride itself is colorful and nice enough to look at. Carrie: B The Timekeeper Another instance where Robin Williams is utilized by Disney. This ride wasn’t open. Fantasyland Rusty likes to go to Fantasyland first when he enters the Magic Kingdom. It’s kind of the "for kids" section, but it still works. All of the Disney movie magic is here in its purest form. And of course there’s that Cinderella’s Castle, which is about the best structure ever built. A bright, fun land with lots of stuff packed together. "it’s a small
world" The song besides "Tiki Room" that gets stuck in your head all day. Since this was created for the 1964 World’s Fair, this ride has nothing to do with Disney movies the way that most everything they put up these days do, which is something Carrie likes about it. This is a bright and cheerful boat ride; little kids in traditional garb singing to us is appealing. Apparently this ride is up for a major upheaval. We hope they don’t ruin it. Carrie: B+ Peter Pan’s Flight When Rusty was a kid, this was his favorite ride. It’s not anymore, but apparently it’s everyone else’s: Peter Pan’s Flight always has a very long line for what is essentially another animatronic kiddie ride. The main difference is that you get to fly through the air in a sail boat, and for children the illusion of flying over the city is pretty believable… and still very pretty for adults with all the colors. The ride itself seems a bit short, considering the wait, but we still like it. Carrie: B- Mickey’s
PhilharMagic Although the Muppets 3-D show at MGM is the funniest and maybe the best for that reason, Mickey’s PhilharMagic is really really great and classy. The 3-D gags themselves are traditional and fun, and actually are more effective than any other 3-D movie because 3-D works best when using computer graphics as opposed to live-action, something they probably figured out when working with the CG character in the Muppet movie. It’s great to see Mickey and Donald in a new movie (even short one), and they hold up to their usual standards here, even while being computer generated (and, by the way, the animation here is great—not a waste of computer graphics at all). There’s just something about the overall "feel" of this movie that we like, something very blue and refreshing. Carrie: B Cinderella’s
Surprise Celebration These little shows and parades throughout are good because it wads people up into a ball and takes them away from the rides so the lines won’t be as long. This is better than most "shows" because it’s more just a presentation of characters so the kids get to see them all. When you’re a kid, meeting the animals is pretty important, so it’s good there are still these opportunities—they don’t seem to be out nearly as much as they used to. If you’ve got kids, this is a must-go-to. It’s certainly fun for anyone to see the characters together all at once, waving at the crowd. Carrie: B Cinderella’s
Golden Carrousel Even if you’re not crazy about carrousels as a rule, this is one of the better ones. The horses are nice and big and the music is fun and you’re flying around in front of the castle. Fun even for adults. It’s pretty and it’s… a carrousel. It’s not the best ride in the park, or even particularly Disney, but it works. Carrie: B Ariel’s Grotto They have a few of these little places set up where little girls or randy little boys can meet princesses (Snow White is another). Ariel’s Grotto is one of the bigger deals because they created a huge waterfall backdrop for her. So if you like Ariel and you like grottos… We skipped this one. Dumbo the Flying
Elephant This ride is so simple, it’s perfect. If it were just a plane or something spinning around in the air, no one would care much, but it’s Dumbo. It’s certainly the best of the "thing-goes-up-in-the-air-and-turns-in-a-circle" ride. It’s fun for adults, not just for toddlers, because it goes faster than you think and you can go so high (you control the height lever). You also get a good view of the park if you’re not too scared, like Rusty was. Carrie: A- Snow White’s Scary
Adventures A nice and spooky spook house, Disney style. This actually has some stuff that could be frightening for kids, such as the great effect of the Queen spinning around and becoming the old hag (apparently they’ve even toned it down over the years). One of the best "dark" rides based on movies. Carrie: B Fairytale Garden If you like Belle or fairytales or gardens… We skipped this one, too. The Many Adventures of
Winnie the Pooh They’ve figured out how to make this ride "smooth" through their fancy technology so you don’t feel the herky-jerk of lots of other, older Disney rides in this style. For Carrie, though she feels it’s bright and fun in general, the smoothness is all that makes this ride stand out because it is so similar, possibly in a bad way, to so many of the classic rides. Rusty, however, likes the fact that this was done in the classic style of Snow White’s Scary Adventures or the now-deceased Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride (which was still probably the best of these). He also likes the smoothness of the track and that the track goes interestingly nuts—making you bounce during the Tigger sections or "float" during the flood sections. Probably a perfect kids ride. Carrie: B- Mad Tea Party Like Dumbo the Flying Elephant, this is a classic ride because of its simple-yet-effective concept. It’s not just a tilt-a-whirl when you’re spinning in giant teacups, making it actually more fun and magic, whether you’re a kid or not. Being able to spin the cup yourself makes it good for kids and adults who can moderate the severity of the ride for themselves (and you should be careful on this if you’re prone to get dizzy). Carrie: A Wishes If you sit right in front of the castle during this show, this is pretty great (and you should—everyone sits down, so you can see just fine no matter how tall you are, and you don’t have to get there early to stake out a spot or anything). Rusty lives across the street from a baseball stadium, so he can see fireworks every couple of Fridays, but Disney makes them really special with music and special color-changing lights Cinderella’s Castle (hearts, the Queen’s face, etc.) and choreographed beautiful rockets. After having a big happy time at the park all day, the prettiness of this whole thing might choke you up a bit. A real marvel. Art in the sky. Carrie: A+ |
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